In case anyone needed proof, I am indeed human

Tonight I had a realization. I believe that I care more about those around me than they do me. I honestly think that a lot of people around me simply tolerate me while I am in interested in their lives and care about them. This isn't to anyone specific...or at least anyone that is following my blog...or I hope that this wouldn't be true of those following my blog. I just feel like this semester, people have pretended to be my friend to make me feel better or because they felt obligated to because they were friends with my roommates. Do you have any idea how terrible that feeling is? It's pretty sad when you are in a place where there are no real friends that you can go see, when you can't talk to anyone about anything that you are feeling because they don't care! It sucks when everyone that comes to your door is there to see your roommates and not you. I'll be glad to be going home to a place where I think that I have people that care about me...

Another thing...I realize that I am unable to show any emotion besides happiness and frustration around anyone. I am unable to let people know that things hurt me. I am unable to let others know that the things that they do or say, or don't do or say hurt me. For example, the fact that I feel that no one cares, its something that's been eating at me for awhile and I started feeling upset so I immediately ran into my room so no one could possibly see me hurt. Why is it so bad for people to know that I'm human? That I hurt just as much when I'm completely alone. I've never allowed myself to let people see me hurt. Everyone else around me can fall apart, and because of that, I'm not allowed to. The very few times I've confessed to anyone that I was hurt, the person that I was talking to only presented me with their problems.

I miss my dogs. Right now they would be laying next to me licking the tears off my face...

Materialism

AHHHH!!!!!!!!! So I'm feeling slightly hypocritical right about now. I got on and on about how I think people have too much stuff and too many clothes and why can't things be simple? Well, I'm packing up for the semester and I have tons and tons of stuff! A ton of clothes especially (I really don't know where they come from :D) Really, it's like my clothes are a bunch of bunnies just making a bunch of new shirts! I have boxes galore of random crap that I'm storing and gosh, I'm so accidentally, and formally ignorantly materialistic! Wow, 3 adverbs in a row, who knew that was possible...

Cure for this materialism? Much jamming and shipping stuff home before I leave so I feel better about myself? Yes...and eating all the random food in my cabinet!!!! Yay kellog cereal bars and boil in a bag brown rice! I seriously found the most random crap while cleaning up, for example I have about a million and one paperclips. I have no use for paperclips as of yet. I also finally found that mattress cover that I'm supposed to be using on my bed but decided to hide from my head resident instead because I wanted to use my own because of my allergies. I hid it a little too well considering I just found it in the box that my tupperware came in...

Tupperware is a funny word...and can be used for so many things. Most importantly pie. Pie just wins. Pie makes Tupperware worth using. Haha...I have possibly inhaled too many sharpie fumes from labeling my plethora of boxes...lol.