03 September 2011
Summer Break Can't Last Forever...
You know what, I know that I've been a big whiner lately, but honestly, I've been hating my life so much that I don't much care that I've been whining a lot. I was looking forward to going on summer break to have a break from the immense amount of stress that I impose on myself during the school year and the psychological damage from the car crash (not going away anytime soon, according to my therapist). Unfortunately, neither of these was possible during break. Instead of stress free, I got 8 hours of babysitting a day, up until recently, in which I got 6 hours of babysitting a day. This sounds great right? I got a summer job!!! Except it was all for free with no offer of payment. Some may call this service, but can it really be deemed service when it's without choice and someone EXPECTS you to raise their child??? Instead of stress free, I got 2 year old drama, which means throwing a fit over everything. I don't like having other people's responsibilities forced on me. I know, SO ABNORMAL!!! Instead of recovering from psychological damage from the car accident, all I got was nagging questions from just about everyone about when I'm going to get my driver's license. YOU KNOW WHAT??? I CAN BARELY SIT IN A CAR WITHOUT FREAKING OUT THAT I'M GOING TO DIE AT ANY MINUTE SO JUST GET OFF MY F****ING BACK!!!!!!!! Instead of recovering from psychological drama, my life gets put on hold for someone that can't even be trusted to make good decisions for themselves or more importantly, their child. This all seriously makes me never want to come home again. What's going to happen next time, huh???? I'm so sick of this. Someone just get her out of my life, because I can't seem to!!!! She's invaded my house, my "haven" as it's supposed to be!!!! Where am I supposed to go now??? I hate home and I don't leave for Rexburg for another week!!!!! I really can't take it anymore. I'm really trying to hold it all together, but I can't seem to for more than a couple hours.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
*trauma, not drama
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry life's been rough lately Jen. I'd say that it'll all get better once school starts, but that really doesn't sound too promising haha. You're strong Jen! You're awesome! You can do anything :) I truly hope things start looking better for you!!!
ReplyDeleteWell darling, I know how you feel, in more ways than one. And if there's ever anything I can do to help you, please let me know. I'm a good shoulder to cry on, I'm an expert listener, and I've recently become prolific as a hitman. Well, hit woman.
ReplyDeleteLove you always,
Aeryn
Sounds horrible! Sorry you're getting this dumped on you. Keep your head up Jen and remember to treat yourself in some way. Also, just think that while is will be stressful at school, you will be away from this and maybe anything else that may bother you here. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, this is Annan. That was me on my aim account. Saw your post on facebook for this blog thing. How many semesters left, Jen?
ReplyDeleteAh Jen, you're looking at this the wrong way. The kid may have been a way to take your mind OFF the accident. Believe me, sitting in peace with something that heavy hanging in your head is NOT therapeutic. You need the distraction, even if the child was forced upon an unwilling you. What you need to do is just create moments of peace for yourself. Ask your parents to watch to kid, or when you're off duty, go for a walk. Go to a friends house. Just dedicate an hour a day, even if it's at midnight, to yourself. In rexburg I typically dedicate sundays to me. It's my day, a day for me to get collected and breathe and enjoy "me time". Do something similar. Make a project, such as training your dogs. Believe me, I was practically thrust into my mom's role when I got home. Working full time, in charge of all appointments, running around, cleaning, etc... You just got to take everything with a grain of salt and let these things slide off you. Try meditation, it will do you wonders.
ReplyDelete