Random thoughts that I want (need?) to get out

I've had an interesting week...well weekend. It was spirit conference this weekend. For those of you who don't know what that is (probably everyone) it's a 2 day period in which council, mentors, and volunteers of the Get Connected program at BYUI meet and prepare for the upcoming Get Connected. Get Connected is a 2-3 long program designed to welcome new students to the school, and it's an amazing program. I have been so spiritually fed this weekend, and frankly my mind is full. Spirit conference didn't start out very well for me, because I had a fever and a headache when I went on Friday (after a day long search for my Tylenol, I had no luck finding it until after my headache and fever were gone, today). So for the first half, I was completely faking it. I was faking being excited and doing my best to help the people out in my mentor group. I have no idea if the people in my group believed it. I was trying, but I was feeling like crap most of the night. The next day, I heard everyone talking about how they left spirit conference on Friday and they felt so spiritually high. When I left spirit conference on Friday, I was 1. Tired beyond belief and 2.Upset (in this case, I mean a combo of angry, frustrated, and sad). The reason for me being tired was mentioned earlier. I was upset because I had this feeling that I was assigned to a certain person for spirit conference and get connected because I was some sort of project or something. It's the way this person interacts with me. It's like they treat me like they are a teacher and I am a student or something. Laying on compliments and encouragements unnaturally thick. I'm not saying that I don't need help or anything, but I don't like feeling like any person is nice to me because they are told to. I would rather someone be nice to me because they want to. This upset me a lot because before tonight, I was under the impression that this person wanted to be my friend and I left that night thinking that they saw me as someone beneath them and was acting like my friend because they were told to. I'm still a little baffled by this, and very disappointed. Nevertheless, after only 5 hours of sleep, I returned to get connected really pumped and ready to go. I had no idea I could be so energetic at 6:30 in the morning, quite honestly. I called up all of my volunteers in my mentor group for their wake up calls by singing "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain. I was excited for the day to come because I knew from the previous spirit conference that I attended that it was going to be a day of learning and revelation. I was most excited for the spirit challenge. The spirit challenge is an amazing thing. We led the volunteers blindfolded to the lower fields and left them alone, away from each other. Loud music and depressing newscasts were played on one end, while the voices of the prophets were quietly played, while gradually being turned up. The goal of the volunteers (which they weren't told) was to follow the prophet's voice and find the rope and follow it home. Meanwhile, the mentors and council members played angels and devils, either encouraging and guiding in the right direction or discouraging and misleading. The last time I did the spirit challenge, I was a volunteer, and it was scary. It was interesting to see it from the view of a tempter. I went around saying discouraging things to the volunteers and tried to lead them away from the rope ( ex: "You aren't worth it" "It's too hard for you to do" "You won't be forgiven" "I'm your friend come with me"). There were one or two people who actually let me lead them away from the rope and listened to me. One person in my group took a swing at me after I told her "They'll never forgive you". She missed, by the way. I was very happy when the volunteers didn't listen to me. I started tempting a person that I knew, and he kept charging in the direction of the rope, not even paying attention to me. It made me so happy to see such strong people. This also led to something else that was very awesome. One of the goals my partner and I made was to encourage two people who were partners to work more together. I don't remember doing anything specific, but by the end of the day, they were telling me how during the spirit challenge they were helping each other up this large hill, and it really touched me. They stuck together after that. It was amazing.

So I don't know if you caught on, but the spirit challenge is supposed to resemble Lehi's vision. It's amazing the things that I hear that people learned from it. One person in my group (the same one who took a swing at me) made it to the top before most people from our group. By the time I was done tempting and at the top, I found her and she was sobbing profusely. I asked her what was wrong, if she was hurt, and she said that no one else from our group was up here yet. She kept watching the people that hadn't figured it out yet wander around without direction, and it upset her so much. It makes me think of how people in the spirit world must feel. They are home and they have the truth, and meanwhile they are watching so many people wander around and give in to temptation.

This weekend meant a lot to me, and I hope that I had some sort of impact on those that I was supposed to teach. They seemed to like my partner a lot more than me, but I hope that I was still able to help them.