Replacement

Yesterday, after I found out that my knee has no torn ligaments and is just very deeply bruised (thank goodness, but it still hurts like heck), I realized a pattern in my recovery. The better that my body got, the more I was feeling emotional pain over this whole accident. This was made quite obvious to me by the major emotional breakdown I had and the minor one right before bed. It just makes me mad and sad to no end that my life was completely turned upside down from this. I have to rely on other people for the most basic things and I hate that so much. It's getting better, I can do more things for myself, but before when I couldn't do anything for myself it really sucked. There's still a few things I can't do: normal shower because my knee is too weak, I can't style my hair because it hurts my elbow too much, I can't go on walks because I get too tired and I'd be afraid of crossing some of the streets. I can do stairs, but it's so exhausting. On Friday morning, I left the house excited for life: I was going to start exercising again and I had a vigorous study and homework schedule, but I left that on that driver's windshield when she hit me. I can't do much exercise, although my dad suggested a stationary bike, which I might try out. I'm too tired to do anything but the bare minimum, although I'm going to try to get a lot done today. All of this is made more frustrating by the fact that she wasn't hurt at all and gets to go about life business as usual. She doesn't have to worry about bringing her grades up while her body and mind are exhausted by the smallest tasks. She doesn't have to rely on her roommates to change bandages for her because looking at the deep cut makes her nauseous or looking at all the road rash, bruises, and the deep cuts and just wanting to cry every time. Or having to have people open doors for you because trying to get through doors on crutches is an acrobatic task or have people carry things for you because your hands are too busy operating crutches.