The main thought on my mind is that it is a time like this, when your entire life has been turned upside down, that you figure out who truly cares about you. I am so thankful to those who have shown their care towards me during this whole experience, but right now at this moment, I'm very upset because some people that I thought might care about me have shown me that they really don't. I'm not sure if I'm extra emotional because of the pain medicine that I'm on, but this is something really upsetting to me. Obviously, I made it out of the crash in a lot better shape than I should have. No head injuries and no broken bones. But I wish that some would realize that although I'm really thankful to have come out of this so well, that it was still an extremely scary experience for me. I know that a lot worse could have happened which is what scares me. It scares me to death that I have to go out and face my fear of that crosswalk again in order to finish out the semester. I don't know if I'll be able to cross that alone and without being terrified the whole time. I thankfully can't vividly remember the accident, but I remember how it felt being hit and how it felt flying through the air and how I felt waking up. This all comes rushing back to me especially when I have to clean out my wounds every night and when I wake up in the morning stuck laying down until someone helps me or I am able to sit up after 10-20 minutes of struggling.
A counselor in our stake presidency came to see me today and encouraged me to work on forgiving the driver of the car, which honestly is something I have not been thinking much about. She hasn't made any attempt to even contact me and showed absolutely no remorse or concern at the scene of the accident. I play along when people tell me that she must be sorry and that she must have been concerned, but all she seemed concerned about was that this accident was an inconvenience to her day. Please excuse me for rightfully and lawfully crossing the street to start out my day, how dare I! And how dare someone be in the crosswalk while you NEED to speed through there (she was going the speed limit, but while there's a person in the crosswalk, going any speed is speeding). Forgiving this girl is going to be very hard for me, because from what it looks like, she had to have been distracted for a prolonged period of time, not just for a second, because she would have had to see me crossing the first half of the street. How can someone be so self-absorbed that they can't even pay attention and consider the safety of those around them? That is something I'm always aware of when I drive. My first concern is safety when I drive, not whether I receive a "very important" text message while I'm driving.
Right now, little things hurt a lot to me. I'm very hurt right now from very small things that in any other situation would not upset me. All that I can assume from some people is that they really don't care that I could have died and they don't care that I'm hurting physically and emotionally and that maybe breaking promises right now is not the best thing because right now I just can't handle it. If you're not going to do something, then don't say that you will, get my hopes up, and let me be crushed, because I can't handle that right now. I just can't...
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