For some reason, I have not been handling stress very well. Even small things have recently been causing panic attacks...so I'm going to try to vent here to see if I can prevent the one that I feel may be coming on...
1. A certain person who has recently become a huge part of my life. I'm wondering if we're being completely honest with each other. Before he asked me out he told me about how worried he was about finding his eternal companion. I'm sorry but this makes me think that he might be with me because he wants to be married and that's it. That he's just trying to make this work for the sake of getting married and getting it over with. On that note, I'm questioning whether I'm with him partially because recently I've really been wanting a boyfriend. I have no idea though. For some reason I am unable to read my own thoughts and feelings...
2. My family is falling apart. Not my immediate household, but the rest of my family. My grandma isn't in good health and she refuses to take care of herself. It makes me wonder whether she's so depressed that she is trying to make herself die faster. Of course we may never know because if anyone tries to help her, they get shut out.
3. My roommates for next semester. I love them so much, they are my best friends! I just received notice of new healthy eating rules. I want to be healthier, but I'd rather do it on my own terms than someone else's. Even though I know this isn't how the note was meant (or so I hope) I feel like I'm being told what to do and what is going to happen next semester. As many of you know, I do NOT like being told what to do, even though I need it sometimes.
4. I really miss my dogs. I miss them in a huge way that a lot of people probably don't understand. Oh man...here comes the tears...they just make me so happy and whenever I'm stressed out they don't leave my side until I'm okay again. I miss snuggling with them and the greetings from them when I come home, even if I was only outside for a few minutes and come back in. They are happy to see me every time. They mean a lot to me and it's hard not having them here with me.
5. I'm worried about the fact that I've been having panic attacks. Does this mean I'm going crazy? I can't ever stop them when they happen and I hate feeling out of control like that. Why are they happening now? Why are they happening at all? I can't ever make sense of them, because whenever I find something that might be a cause, it's always something minor that I shouldn't be upset about.
I think this helped...I still have a major headache though...
I love making lists of these sorts of things, I feel like they really help me sort out my thoughts. And don't worry about the healthy lifestyle thing, it's more suggestions than anything. Specifically for me. When I say "No cereal!" it's meant as a reminder of how unhealthy some can be, and I should be cautious - but I'm not banning cereal (or any food) from the apartment. What we generally do is buy what everyone eats together, and if there's something specific you want just for yourself or something no one else wants, you can buy it separately. :) And I TOTALLY understand the dog thing. But don't whine about them to Rachel - she could care less (I've learned the hard way). Maybe you and me and mourn the absence of our precious pooches together, haha
ReplyDeleteSo I just want to say that I'm not at all worried about the health food thing, I just happened to be freaking out already when I read it. Haha, it seems kind of silly now. I have also realized that Rachel doesn't care if I miss my dogs. Hopefully my tax return is generous enough to let me fly home for a wedding and thus allowing me to see my doggies! I love them!
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