...because fyi, it's breaking. I know that it's not possible for a heart to just break simply from emotional pain, but that's what it feels like. It's days like this that I'm reminded that I don't come from a family that loves and laughs together (by family I mean outside of myself and my parents). That's how my family used to be. When I was a child, I adored my aunts and uncles and cousins. I especially adored my grandparents. I still cherish the times when my grandpa and I would pretend to be goats. I look back on pictures of my mom, my dad, and all of my mom's siblings and their spouses and just see everyone laughing together and hugging each other. I have been told that the time this all changed was with the passing of my grandfather. This does not make sense to me because I would think this would make everyone cling to each other even more. That is not so. I was too young to have been able to observe what exactly happened to tear everyone apart. All I know is that one of my uncles doesn't speak to anyone in my family, my mom and another uncle are always at each others throats, and well, my other uncle just kind of floats on by (quite literally actually, he works on a boat!). Where are the happy times that I vaguely remember, but have proof of? Why can't we get them back? Why can't we cooperate for someone that we all care about? Why can't we realize that it's not all about us?? Where is a place that pride can be put aside to do what's best? Am I the only one in my family who cares that we aren't a family, but simply people who tolerate each other when necessary. And who occasionally make heated phone calls to over things that aren't our fault? Does anyone else in my family think this is very messed up? Because I think it's a tragedy. I may be the youngest of all of us (besides my cousin's 2 year old of course), but I still remember how we all used to get together for breakfast on Christmas morning and hunt Easter eggs together. Maybe that's the only family we ever really were. Christmas and Easter families. Just like some people who only go to church on Christmas and Easter. Maybe I unknowingly exaggerate memories of my family in my mind. But we've lost even what we used to have. I wish I knew a way to bring everyone back together without me becoming a human sacrifice. I was mostly kidding about that...
One other thing. People, just stop yelling at my mom. Seriously, she has been getting yelled at a lot lately for things that really are not her fault and sometimes have nothing to do with her. I'm seriously tired of it! She's not thick skinned and she's easily upset. Just stop yelling at her! She does her best to be quiet and to do whatever she can to help those around her. Sometimes I think she helps them too much, but she doesn't stop anyway. She's a wonderful lady who should not be getting yelled at. Thanks.
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