So much thinking...

I want to do so much right now!!!! I can't decide what it is that I want to do with my life right now. I want to study so much in college. I want to study English, Sociology, Psychology, Biology, Foreign languages, international studies, social work, philosophy, ancient languages, history, anthropology, archaeology, music, I want to know so much!!! I have no idea how to fit this all in. I also want to go into the Air Force, and open an animal shelter one day. I want to travel the world. I want to write a book and have it published. I want to have a family. I have no idea how I can do all of this. If anyone has any ideas on how I can achieve all of this, or has a time turner that I can use, that would be awesome!

Home

I look forward to coming home whenever I get the chance. Coming home for Thanksgiving happened to be an extra thing for this year, and I was really happy that I didn't have to wait longer to come home to see everyone. I was the most excited to see my dogs. They are the lights of my life and I love them. Coming home to them was almost surreal. I forgot what life had been like with them. I was very excited to see my friends. I've missed everyone in the branch so much. I loved being welcomed back whenever I come home. I don't even get so much as a hello when I walk into my Rexburg ward's sacrament meeting. When I come home, I get hugs and a sense of excitement. As I was preparing to come home, I was thinking about all the things I was excited to come home for. I realized that I was only a little bit excited to see my parents. I couldn't figure out why exactly. I wasn't mad at them, and my mom had been doing a good job of not calling me all the time. They are wonderful to me. I haven't been able to find a job, so they've been helping me with groceries. I couldn't understand why I was dreading seeing them (which is an issue, considering that I live at their house whenever I am home). I finally realized it tonight. They have to argue about everything. In front of me on top of that. They don't care if I hear their petty little screaming matches over things so trivial as a flag (seriously?). I don't like that. I don't like that they blame the dogs for doing things that dogs naturally do (such as barking when they hear a noise, it's their natural protective instinct). I don't like that they yell at each other over who's turn it is to let the dogs out (fyi, if you stopped giving them a dog biscuit every time you let them outside, they would not feel the need to go out as often, thus eliminating about 5 screaming matches a night). Honestly, I know that there are a lot worse things than them screaming at each other, but it almost seems that sometimes they argue in front of me so that I can pick a side for them instead of having them work it out. Almost like they want me to solve everything. This relationship with my parents is difficult. I don't like always being the problem solver. I don't like being caught in the middle. I just wish they would work on resolving their problems and communicate instead of having petty screaming matches. This has been happening for as long as I can remember and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hearing it when I come home, and I'm sick of hearing them complain to me about the other one. It makes me not want to come home. Yet I keep coming back for my dogs and my friends. What the crap? I see absolutely no way out here. I love my dogs and friends too much to not come back when I can. My parents always expect me to come back when I can. How am I supposed to tell them that their behavior towards each other makes me not want to come back?

The most awesome television show ever!

Haha, so Regan and I had a wonderful night of watching movies, and thinking of the best television show ever. Here's how we came up with this. We were watching Signs, and throughout the whole movie we were calling Joaquin Phoenix, Johnny Cash. It came to the part where Mel Gibson was talking to his wife while she was pinned up against the tree and how Johnny Cash should just randomly show up and play a song after she died. Then we decided that when the veterinarian hit Mel Gibson's wife, it was because he saw Johnny Cash and swerved. From there, her last words to Mel Gibson would be "Johnny Cash killed me". We decided that sounded like a soap opera. There would be a soap opera where an old lady is on her death bed and her last words were "Johnny Cash killed me" and no one would understand. And then you would find out that it wasn't the old lady that died, it was the old lady's twin. Or that she could say "JFK killed me" and people would assume she meant John F. Kennedy, when later you find out she meant the next door neighbor, James Francis Kowalski (I don't remember what the original "K" last name was, so I just took a "K" last name from my family). Regan and I decided that this was just too good to not be a television show. So here's the run down:

You have John F. Kennedy living in a house with his Jewish butler, Bill Cosby, who always has an extra chair set out no matter what. Anytime JFK has the cook prepare ham or bacon for supper, it always mysteriously disappears (the butler did it!). John F. Kennedy also hallucinates a lady made out of dog biscuits who is multilingual (Regan) and a man made out of cheese puffs. It is out of respect for John F. Kennedy's hallucinations that no one in the show eats dog biscuits or cheese puffs. On special occasions however, they eat crunchy Cheetos. Meanwhile, you have Abraham Elizabeth Hitler living next door with his Scientologist maid, Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby has split personality in this show. It is here that they listen to aliens speaking in their foreign clicking language over a baby monitor. Later in the show, you find out that the aliens actually speak Spanish, and what the earthlings are hearing is the aliens enjoying Dum Dum lollipops, jaw breakers, and their dentures coming loose. While all of this is going on, the characters periodically pop in on the screenwriter who is a lego-person (that's me) to bribe her for more air time and to bring her snacks.

Regan, let me know if I left anything out. I'm telling you, we must be geniuses to come up with something like this.

For the record, I know I should be sleeping...

Or at least studying for my American Epidemic test tomorrow...but nevertheless, here I am blogging instead. So I had a nice rant fest with Rachel D about a lot of stuff, but mostly about our dating situations. I have come to a conclusion: From my experience, when given the choice between two girls, a guy will choose the dumber of the two. Why this is, I can only guess, but there it is. If this is the case (which I suspect it is) then I have absolutely no chance of ever getting a date because there is no way that I'm going to dumb myself down on purpose. I suppose I shouldn't complain because I do have control over the situation. I suppose I very easily could spend more time on my looks than getting enough sleep or studying. Then my studies would suffer, I wouldn't learn anything, and therefore would not be getting smarter. But am I going to do any of that? No. It's a good thing that you don't die from a lack of a dating life, otherwise I would probably be extinct soon. Darwin would get a kick out of that, I'm sure. There's my rant. That's life I suppose.

A lot of thinking has been done today

Okay, so I've been doing way too much thinking today, and I've been thinking about all the things that I want to say to people but don't feel that I can because it would make things awkward in some way. So here they are, I'm not naming names by the way:

I love our friendship, at least what it used to be. It feels like I can't even talk to/relate to you. It's really sad for me, but I try not to think about it and just keep trying to make it like it was before. I have a terrible, sinking feeling that it's not going to end up working even though I really want it to.

You are a coward and a liar. You are basically the epitome of everything that I see wrong with the world. I've decided that after living with you for a semester, I will be able to handle almost anything.

You are the most wonderful person that I've ever met so far. You have changed my life, and I wish you were in it more.

Stop being so arrogant. It's not attractive like you think it is.

You are a beautiful and wonderful person. Please keep being who you are.

Honestly, why can't more guys be like you? Please keep doing what you are doing.

I wish you could remember who you are. I miss who you used to be. Please come back.

Please stop sending me mixed signals. And I don't think your girlfriend would like you flirting with me half the time.

I miss cuddling with you (this one's to my dog).