Home

I look forward to coming home whenever I get the chance. Coming home for Thanksgiving happened to be an extra thing for this year, and I was really happy that I didn't have to wait longer to come home to see everyone. I was the most excited to see my dogs. They are the lights of my life and I love them. Coming home to them was almost surreal. I forgot what life had been like with them. I was very excited to see my friends. I've missed everyone in the branch so much. I loved being welcomed back whenever I come home. I don't even get so much as a hello when I walk into my Rexburg ward's sacrament meeting. When I come home, I get hugs and a sense of excitement. As I was preparing to come home, I was thinking about all the things I was excited to come home for. I realized that I was only a little bit excited to see my parents. I couldn't figure out why exactly. I wasn't mad at them, and my mom had been doing a good job of not calling me all the time. They are wonderful to me. I haven't been able to find a job, so they've been helping me with groceries. I couldn't understand why I was dreading seeing them (which is an issue, considering that I live at their house whenever I am home). I finally realized it tonight. They have to argue about everything. In front of me on top of that. They don't care if I hear their petty little screaming matches over things so trivial as a flag (seriously?). I don't like that. I don't like that they blame the dogs for doing things that dogs naturally do (such as barking when they hear a noise, it's their natural protective instinct). I don't like that they yell at each other over who's turn it is to let the dogs out (fyi, if you stopped giving them a dog biscuit every time you let them outside, they would not feel the need to go out as often, thus eliminating about 5 screaming matches a night). Honestly, I know that there are a lot worse things than them screaming at each other, but it almost seems that sometimes they argue in front of me so that I can pick a side for them instead of having them work it out. Almost like they want me to solve everything. This relationship with my parents is difficult. I don't like always being the problem solver. I don't like being caught in the middle. I just wish they would work on resolving their problems and communicate instead of having petty screaming matches. This has been happening for as long as I can remember and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hearing it when I come home, and I'm sick of hearing them complain to me about the other one. It makes me not want to come home. Yet I keep coming back for my dogs and my friends. What the crap? I see absolutely no way out here. I love my dogs and friends too much to not come back when I can. My parents always expect me to come back when I can. How am I supposed to tell them that their behavior towards each other makes me not want to come back?